HLS Letters

5-Day Trip To The North Coast

  • May 7, 1992
5-Day Trip To The North Coast

May 7, 1992 their, Hey, they're, Udo!-- there, Just came back from a 5-day trip to the North Coast of this great state, and found your good-news letter.  The good news is of course that you do not have macular degeneration, and your cataracts can be overcome.  If you can get 20/20 vision after an ailment like cataracts, that will be a medical marvel.  Couldn't be better news.

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From Russia With Love

  • May 2, 1992
From Russia With Love

Harvey L. Slatin 78 Main Street Stamford, New York 12167 Dear Arturo, Well, we are back from our trip to Russia.  We enjoyed this trip more than the last, possibly because we were more familiar with the ropes and we had our own Russian friend, Lydia, escort us about.  We also had two seventeen year-olds from Stamford with us to enliven the tour. Perhaps you should warm up to that white haired lady who cared for you after your nasty fall.  I think that SHE is trying to tell you something in regard to returning to your correct haunts and you should take heed and listen.  That nookey...

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Acceptance Speech

  • April 30, 1992
Acceptance Speech

April 30, 1992 their, Hey, they’re, Udo!-- there, Finally recovered from our trip, and seem to have brought No. One Stepson’s publication needs under control. Took some time.

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Dear Doctor

  • April 9, 1992
Dear Doctor

Arthur Sterling Covert C 1017 9900 Spain NE Albuquerque, New Mexico 87111 April 9, 1992 Dear Doctor, The above is my new address and not the interesting variation on is that you used on a communication to me containing clippings on WordPerfect.  I hope you have not used it again.  The Post Office delivered it after executing a miracle of cryptanalysis and logic for which I stand in admiration and will always be grateful.  It is possible that the delivery of that letter is the only thing that has gone aright in recent days. I stopped for nights on the way out and discovered on two occasions...

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The Valley Voice

  • March 13, 1992
The Valley Voice

March 13, 1992 their, Hey, they're, Udo!-- there, This is to announce that we will be on a trip during the last of this month. We will go to Tucson to see old friends, stopping on the way to gamble in Reno and Laughlin.

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The Valley Voice

  • January 28, 1992
The Valley Voice

January 28, 1992 their, Hey, they're, Udo!-- there, Latest edition of The Valley Voice enclosed. Delayed by Forces Beyond My Control, family activities and the new business my ho, l Stepson is starting. Mary and I are working up mailouts to get customers. The contents keep changing because the manufacturer--also just kicking off--keeps revising product categories as suggested by investors. Is the end in sight? The end is never in sight.

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News From The Big Tomato

  • January 3, 1992
News From The Big Tomato

January 3, 1992 their, Hey, they’re, Udo!-- there, Enclosed: update on Lukenbill, per Your request for all the important news from The Big Tomato. Lesser news: the holiday season is winding down, after many activities. More than half of the assembled family members have birthdays or anniversaries at rear end, adding to the Xmas and New Year’s festivities. At times exhausting, especially for our one daughter-in-law who likes nothing better than a big family gathering at her house. She has held three recently, two sit-down dinners. She recovers rapidly, and makes plans for more....

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Computer Advisories

  • November 24, 1991
Computer Advisories

November 24, 1991 their, Hey, they’re, Udo!-- there, Just received the enclosed computer advisories solicited in response to your last letter. The comments on the page with part of your letter xeroxed at the top are from my MD-son-in-law, who is highly but not widely informed. (which he acknowledges.) But some of what he wrote may be useful.

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Disaster Impends

  • November 2, 1991
Disaster Impends

November 2, 1991 their, Hey. they’re, Udo!-- there, The latest Valley Voice finally went to press. I know you have been on pins and needles. Now you can learn what’s been going on in Stamford during the last two months. Stamford is obviously Where It’s At.

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My Monitor Crashed

  • October 8, 1991
My Monitor Crashed

October 8, 1991 their, Hey, they’re, Udo!-- there, Just when I thought everything was under control, my monitor crashed. That put me out of action for a week. During that time I performed some of the household jobs that I postponed for several years. Mary was so shocked that she had to take bedrest with an icepack on her forehead.

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Developments

  • August 31, 1991
Developments

August 31, 1991 their, Hey, they’re, Udo!-— there, This issue was delayed because the front page had to be re- made in response to "developments." We stay on top of all late— breaking stories. Keep your subscription current, so you won’t miss anything. Our readers are never caught off guard on talk shows or at cocktail parties. We give them all the answers.

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A Duel Fought On The Village Green

  • August 8, 1991
A Duel Fought On The Village Green

Harvey L. Slatin 78 Main Street Stamford, New York 12167 August 8, 1991 Dear son Thomas, The correspondence from you is overwhelming.  You must be busier than a one-armed paperhanger affected with St. Vitus Dance.  We assume that you are having an uproarious time and at night fall away from exhaustion.  Well, the camp holiday is coming to a close.  All our plans as to what we were doing to do while you were away, have not been fulfilled.  There are weekend guests and parties, and other forms of entertainment to take up our precious time.  So much will have to be done on your return. ...

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Your Last Letter Was Nifty

  • August 5, 1991
Your Last Letter Was Nifty

Harvey L. Slatin 78 Main Street Stamford, New York 12167 August 5, 1991 Dear Thomas, Your last letter was nifty.  We enjoyed it very much.  Now that we have read if fifty times, it has lost much of its glamor.  Needless to say (and we say it anyway), we have not heard from you in over ten days.  We assume you are having so good a time that writing would be an interference.  We hope that you are writing to others on that list mother carefully made out for you. Here is the latest on the animals at home.  We are not sure if it is the weather or your absence that has gotten into...

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The Latest Edition

  • July 27, 1991
The Latest Edition

July 27, 1991 their, Hey, they’re, Udo!-- there, Enclosed: the latest edition, ink barely dry. It was a struggle, but Man cannot let The Machine triumph; without Man there is no Machine. (Such is the Wisdom 0f My People.) We have had bearable weather, but 100+ temperatures are here again. From what we read, you have recorded new highs in heat, especially in Big Town. We buy the NY Times daily, to keep up on the weather and The Dinkins Debacle. But no matter how hard they try, they can’t match the klutzes in the City Council? the Beauty Beard of Commissioners, and the State Legislature...

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Instructions Have Been Carried Out

  • May 22, 1991
Instructions Have Been Carried Out

May 22, 1991 their, Hey, they're, Udo!-- there, Your card arrived from Gettysburg, and instructions have been carried out as requested.  The Bee called to ask where you were, and we told them nothing.  They threatened to stop delivery and we pleaded with them to carry out the threat.  With a cynical laugh the caller sneered that not only would delivery continue, but the paper-boy would be ordered to ring the doorbell and put the paper in our hands.  In other words, we have no choice.  Is this America?  Is this freedom of the press?  We are forced to read under compulsion about...

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