HLS - The Letters Of Harvey L. Slatin

October 10, 1990

Hey, they’re, Udo!–

Responding to your points:

  1. We ate at Denny’s as well as Michael’s Waterside because we believe in seeing Life Steady and Whole, participating in The Great Pageant of Life, and pinching pennies.  We could afford Michael’s again in seven or eight years but, unless he separates the smokers from the non’s, we’ll stick with The Jerry and Denny’s.  A fairminded agenda.
  2. I shall not return if Northrop calls.  When I left I told them they were on their own, and to stay out of trouble.  They laughed, and now they’re paying the price.  I told Boesky and Trump the same thing, and look where they are today.  There’s a great lesson in this, Udo, a Great Lesson.
  3. I have reviewed the Udobbs Business Ventures quarterly report, and find it completely satisfactory.  Anyone who complains about late delivery can take his business to Fandel.  Anyone who objects to a warranty that expires on the day of purchase should buy from Fandel, who doesn’t issue warranties.  Anyone who can’t read instructions in Korean is obviously anti-minority.  Anyone who claims that parts are missing probably lost them on the way home.  Such carelessness is intolerable.  The wheelchair-bicycle will be reclaimed, the purchase price will not be returned, and a charge of $1000 will be levied to cover record adjustment, refurbishment, stress, and bad language.

U & D Takeover:  They are handing on the ropes.  Proceed with assembly of railroad-car wheels on our wheelchair-bicycles.  Pass out free copies of “The Merry U & D” to patrons of the IGA.

“Take a wheelchair ride with me,
On the merry U & D!
Down the railroad track we’ll glide,
To the Kingston waterside!

“On the Day Line boat we’ll load
Udobbs books, New York a la mode!
Back to Stamford, wheelchairing gleefully,
On the merry U & D!

When Fandel learns how you have outmaneuvered him, he’ll have another collapse (enclosed news item.)  (See also: Moscow chow; Lukenbill Strikes Again; Bank Street College (what’s that?); Polytechnic U., made famous by its graduates.)

No time for longer letter.  Sister-in-law visiting, leaves tomorrow, Hussein Saddam willing.  Allah akbar.

Fred C. (“Seven Pillars) Dobbs

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