26 Apr 1986

Hey, there, Udo!–

Glad to see that your last letter was mailed from Utica. Your policy of keeping in motion will throw off Rizzo and his enforcers. They don’t make much money producing license plates, and they can’t afford to fly all over the way you do. Keep it up. Smart move.

Your story about renting the Santa Fe house to the police should be a lesson to anyone who rents. I suppose if you had taken them to court you would have been hit with non-stop violations by municipal investigators who “just happened” to be driving up Canyon Road and noticed that the garbage can was one inch over the property line, the front step was in violation of the building code because it was too close to the ground, and You Name It. The best thing would be to set fire to it for the insurance. Don’t tell anybody where you heard that.

Alas. Your generous offer of an inflatable mattress with useless foot pump comes too late. Our furniture arrived, and we are totally fortressed within thick walls of cardboard carton. Indian arrows cannot penetrate. We now sleep on a real bed for the first time in so long that we were not sure what it was supposed to be when the moving men set it up. My wife thought it might be a low shelf with a soft shelf paper for eggs or something like that. But we decided it was too big. Finally I said, “Why don’t we just sleep on it?” and a light dawned. “Land’s sakes, Fred,” said my wife. “It must be a bed!” “Durned if it ain’t,” I murmured, like Percy Kilbride, as I chewed a straw. It was, too. Almost as good as sleeping on the floor.

“What happened to John Herzog?” you ask. I am in a position to tell you. Let me quote from his last letter. He is responding to my mentioning your comment that his wife did not seem transported with delight over the one visit you made to their home. I quote John: “Next time you are in touch with Udo, please ask him to write. I am not mad at him about anything. Jeanne devoted most of her adult life to alienation of my friends, and it appears she succeeded with Tommy.”

There you have it. I am also in a position to give you his address, which follows after a short pause for station identification:

John K Herzog
2954 Plaza Azul
Santa Fe, New Mexico
87505

We now return you to our studios.

Have to make this short, because several thousand cartons still have to be unpacked. In the meantime, keep on the move. Rizzo still has years to go on his sentence. Earl Howser may be disbarred if he continues to bribe jurors. Your future looks good. Regards to your wife and son.

Fred C. (“Local & Long Distance”) Dobbs

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