This morning I was lost inside a daydream and I was rehearsing a dialogue inside my head. In my dreams, it is always raining and in shades of black and white. The rain wraps fears around me like a blanket, making me feel short of stable, and then finally, it washes me away. These are the days I will remember all my life, the precious and often fleeting moments when there’s a story to be told, Amelia takes my hand in an empty room as adventure awaits. Summer comes for everyone; today is the springtime of my life.

Social media became one drink too many and a joke gone too far; the storm that was coming my way was always on the horizon, distant yet forever prevalent and ominous and I knew I was not magnificent. I was born a long time ago, and I know that someday I will die, while the time between is mine, yet I foolishly invested too much of my self-worth in what other people think of me. Social media became an unnecessarily large part of my life. Slowly, more and more people sought revenge against me in response to my successes.

A broken heart forbade to fly, looking at things through tear-filled eyes, contemplating the way things could have been, should have been, and never will be again, and then learning to say goodbye. Summer comes for everyone, and the pain I am receiving is a reminder that in my life, and all the things I have done have been done with grace and compassion.

I need to know that things are going to look up; my thoughts come to me at night as the world sleeps and the sky is starlit, by morning I am rising tired like the smoldering smoke of a fire that has been left to coals. I write my words of wisdom in the shadow of hope that someone will find insight in them, a signal to the noise like an image often seen on television.

I turned and ran away. I ended up in a place where nobody knows me. I found love, the sheer magnitude of which was beyond my own comprehension. Our flames burn as one, but now I’m here and I don’t know why. I asked Amelia if she would stay with me, would she be my love. Now I’m something. On the occasions where we are apart, our souls speak from across the miles, now as our lives are intertwined, our flames burn as one. I am galvanized by her presence, nothing else matters and I want to write her name in the sky.

Colophon
The header image is called I Miss You. This post was inspired by a series of conversations I have had with Amelia, yet despite my education, I cannot find the words to express just how much I love and adore her.

Asides
Amelia Phoenix Desertsong | Thomas Slatin Quote [Credentialism] | I’m Going Through Changes | A Week At Camp | A Little Ghost For The Offering | Belong | It’s Been Awhile Since I’ve Dreamed This Much | Maybe | When Is It Time To Let Go | I Used To Write In Riddles And I Used To Write In Rhymes | Generation Gap | Poisoned By Fairy Tales | Chasing Cars

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