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It Came Without Warning
The wreckage of my past is the war that’s never won. Often times I think about all the things that were said to me so many years ago; I would always listen to the negativity, silently as if I were laying down in the wake of someone else’s incompetence or insecurities, my elders and a handful of those my parents entrusted with my care having labeled me as difficult simply because I was intelligent, and quiet. When I was a child, I was always passive, reserved, and yet completely incapable of truly standing up for myself. Telling people how I really felt at the time, expressing my emotions, and finding…
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Addicted To A Certain Kind Of Sadness
It is now that I realize that one can become addicted to a certain kind of sadness, especially when that sadness results from loss.
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2018 Camp Chateaugay Reunion
August 2018 Camp ChateaugayMerrill, NY, USA
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Maybe Someday I Will Understand Why
It’s the little details I remember; the last things that people say as they are leaving. The way I feel at specific moments, whether good, bad or somehow inexplicably indifferent. I still remember at the end of the summer when I was 16. I had a crush on a close friend, and I still remember the last thing that she said when she was leaving. I still remember her talking about dreams and rumored desires. Hers to marry a rich, wealthy man, and be the mother of his children, mine to be happy and successful in whatever happened to come my way, and if I ended up being happy, then…
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When Is It Time to Let Go
When I was young, I was certain that I was in love. It felt like love, and it is often the tender beginnings of what we assume will lead to a lifelong love and the feelings of which we wish would last forever. Those feelings of elation and hope and promise which one seeks to capture and hold in hopes that things will never change. I would have wrapped up those days of my youth in plastic if only to preserve the snapshots and memories in my mind, and perhaps to gaze upon that particular time whenever a certain unidentifiable smell brought be back to those memories. What did I…
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Poisoned By Fairy Tales
My father died in February of 2013. I was 33 years old. There are so many things still left unsaid. So many things I wanted to ask my father. And yet, with each passing year, it seems that there are more and more questions left unanswered. I decided a long time ago that I would not be having children of my own, for various reasons, despite the fact that I know I would be a fantastic parent. Perhaps it all goes back to my childhood and all the things that went wrong. I don’t know for sure. One thing remains certain. As children, we are poisoned by fairy tales, and…
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Chasing Cars
Last night I dreamed a dream, which was more of a flashback to an earlier time in my life. In the dream, I was reliving the summer of 1996 when I was age 16. In the dream, I remember falling in love for the very first time; my first kiss, my very first girlfriend. At the time, I thought I knew what love was, but looking back on it, I was clearly mistaken. In the summer of 1996, I had a summer job as kitchen staff along with a small group of my closest friends. It was the summer that I met Allegra. All summer long, I enjoyed the sweet…
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When I Was 16; A Retrospect.
In life, one must dream many dreams, because not all of one’s dreams come true, despite our best efforts. Thomas Slatin One of the greatest pieces of advice I impart to young people is that as we grow older, our outlook on life changes. We see life in a different way, partially due to our own personal psychological and intellectual development, as well as a direct result of what we have experienced through our life in general. I wish someone had told me when I was 16 that life was not what it appears to be when you’re young. When we’re young, we plan out our entire lives to picture-perfect…
