HLS Letters

The Overdrawn & Forgers National Bank Of Stamford

  • March 20, 1994

HLS - The Letters Of Harvey L. Slatin

March 20, 1994

their,
Hey, they’re, Udo!–
there,

The heartrending news that you are forced to live on bread and water to afford Thomas’s tuition has stirred a great wave of concern. We went from door to door in rags, and solicited enough for next year. A deposit of $20,000 will be made to your account at The Overdrawn & Forgers National Bank of Stamford. Feel free to eat a balanced diet again.

IN ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION: Here are the specifics (as far as I know them) on my “antique” computer. It’s a clone of an IBM PC XT. I bought it after we came to Sacramento, so it’s not all that old. But computers are outmoded so fast these days that it might as well be a hundred. Computer memory is 640K, and the hard disk is 30M. My printer is an Epson LQ 800. Guru stepson tells me that in addition to the computer not having enough memory, the printer is too slow and doesn’t have enough memory either. Thus, if I input a line of large letters, the pin-dot load is too much for the printer, and the line has to be printed in two or three passes. That’s why so much time is consumed printing The Valley Voice.

So I await guru stepson’s first opportunity to catch his breath. Last week he went to Los Angeles for two days to demonstrate his innovative tracking program. He learned right off that the wiring to accommodate it had been installed wrong, so he had to spend two days on his back, under the computer tables, re-wiring everything. Then he demonstrated his program for the next two days, lengthening the trip to four days. If he hadn’t been able to correct the wiring, the trip would have been wasted. The same crew of klutzes who put in the botched wiring is also under contract to install it in other offices around the country. He tried to explain the problem to the wiring crew-chief. In the interest of cost control, the installers were all Filipinos who understood very little English–especially wiring English. If this sounds like a Marx Brothers scenario, you’re right (in Tagalog). Guru stepson is the only program nerd who can also analyze and fix boo-boos, so now he may be stuck with the responsibility for demonstrating the program around the country. If this sounds like a scenario written by the Marx Brothers for Laurel & Hardy, you’re right.

Next week: Stan & Ollie in “Manila Bytes.”

Don’t take no crap off’a Bergleitner.

Regards to snowbound Anne and Thomas. “If Winter comes, can Spring be far behind?”  Read the The Bee’s Daily weather report.

Fred C. (“Weatherless”) Dobbs

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