As I stand here in my sunlit room, the soft carpet beneath my feet, I am reminded of the myriad experiences that have shaped me into the woman I am today. Turning 45 is not just a numerical milestone; it is a testament to the resilience, growth, and transformation that have defined my life.
Looking back, it feels like only yesterday that I was navigating the bustling streets of New York City, where I was born and raised. The city’s relentless energy and diversity provided a backdrop for my early years, instilling in me a sense of determination and adaptability. These qualities would prove invaluable as I embarked on a multifaceted career that spanned Firefighting, Paramedicine, Rescue, and ultimately, writing and photography.
My journey has been anything but conventional. I came out as a lesbian, and had my first summer job at 16, started college at 17, and my fire department career at 18. Two years later, I lost my virginity to a female friend at 20.
I spent 22 years, and six months in the fire service, eventually making the rank of Firefighter Paramedic Lieutenant Specialist; a career marked by both camaraderie and the scars on my hands and arms—reminders of my dedication, and bravery. I’ve taught fire, rescue, and EMS to new recruits, passing on my knowledge and experience to the next generation of first responders. This chapter of my life was not without its challenges, but it was also incredibly rewarding, allowing me to serve my community and save lives.
My intersex condition has played a significant role in shaping my perspective on life. Having XX chromosomes and ambiguous genitalia, yet living my life as a female—an identity I’ve embraced since birth—has endowed me with a unique viewpoint. It has made me open-minded and accepting of others, qualities that have been reinforced by my supportive wife, who has always seen me for who I truly am: a woman.
Today, as I celebrate my 45th birthday, I am surrounded by the love and support of my wife, Amelia Phoenix Desertsong. Our bond, based upon unprecedented friendship, along with the power of love and understanding, has allowed us to live a life filled with joy, and mutual respect. Our home in Vermont, with its scenic hiking trails and serene surroundings, is a special place where I find peace and inspiration for my writing and photography.
As a writer and master photographer, I have had the privilege of capturing the world through my lens and sharing my thoughts and experiences with a wide audience. My blog, TomSlatin.com, serves as a platform where I document my journey, offering insights into my life, and the world around me. Writing is more than just a profession for me; it is a means of self-expression and a way to connect with others on a deeper level.
Reaching age 45 serves as a moment of reflection, though also a time to look forward with optimism and enthusiasm. The experiences of the past have laid a solid foundation, and the future is filled with endless possibilities. I am excited to continue my journey, to explore new horizons, and to embrace the adventures that lie ahead.
In the words of the poet Robert Frost, whose work has always resonated with me: “The woods are lovely, dark and deep, But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep.”
I need to let go of past injustices that no longer matter, such as my high school denying me a diploma, therefore unfairly denying me proof that I officially graduated from high school. Due to being the only girl at an all-boys boarding school motivated the school administration to eventually throw out any record of me ever being there.
As I step into this new chapter of my life, I am reminded of the promises I have made to myself—to live authentically, to love fiercely, and to never stop exploring the world and my place within it.
Here’s to 45 years of life, love, and relentless pursuit of dreams. Happy birthday to me.
July 20, 2024
Happy birthday! You’ve really lived a remarkable life so far, with hopefully much more to come. It sounds like you were able to live most of it openly and as your authentic self, which is a wonderful thing.
I consider myself one of the lucky ones who was able to live authentically, as a female, literally my entire life, with the exceptions of boarding school and summer camp. Regardless, everyone has known me as a female literally my entire life, and I’ve been out as lesbian since 16. My father was completely against all of this, likely due to him being from a different generation. Thanks for reading, and for being supportive and understanding. ❤️
Dear Thomas,
Happy 45th birthday and lots of hugs may you have many more.
The story with the school is really upsetting. You inspire me every day with your resilience and courage.
PS I’m still not able to like and reply to your posts through WordPress but have to do it through your website seems like there’s something wrong.
Your friend Athena
Hi, Athena! I’m not sure if you saw my previous reply to your comment about my blog. Amelia and I dropped Jetpack from our blogs. This includes The Phoenix Desertsong, and Obscure Curiosities.
As for the boarding school I attended, my father was determined to make me his son, so he continued to put me into gender-specific situations like Boy Scouts, summer camp (where I was enrolled as a boy), and an all-boys boarding school. Everyone knew me as a girl literally my entire life; these places tolerated the incongruity simply because my father was more than happy to pay them extra money.
I often wonder how I was able to not only survive, but to actually thrive later on in life. It’s people like you that believed in me that made all the difference. Thank you! ❤️❤️❤️
Hey! I found your blog while trying to find info on intersex stuff, a link to a since-removed article and then taking a look around.
I am a genderfluid person who has just discovered that I am intersex. Reading your experiences regarding that in life gives me a lot of hope – that I can live authentically and grow old too. Whatever troubles there are going to be will be worth overcoming. 🙂 I will be following the blog from now on too as a fellow writer!
Happy belated 45th – hope you & your wife are doing well! ❤️
-J.V.Y.
Hey J.V.Y.,
Thank you so much for your heartfelt message. Living life as an intersex individual can indeed be challenging, but it’s also a journey filled with self-discovery and resilience. I’m glad to know that my words have provided some consolation.
I have De La Chapelle Syndrome with persistent Müllerian duct syndrome. Essentially, everything about me is completely female, except that I have a penis, ovotestis, and uterine tissue. I have lived my entire life as a female.
Embracing your identity as both genderfluid and intersex is a sign of your strength and courage. As a fellow writer, I’m excited to have you following my blog.
I have written about my intersex experiences extensively.
Thomas (She/Her) 🙂