Thomas W.P. Slatin

Awhile back, I wrote a post and at the end, asked readers to contribute their thoughts, ideas, and whatnot on what topics I should write about next.  Unfortunately, nobody has done so.  A writer asking for ideas and topics is not the most original idea ever, but I’d like to believe that I’m the first one to put it into a blog.  As luck would have it, Talea has done just that.  In all fairness, because I’m discussing her blog post (and possible copycatness), I’m obligated to now shamelessly plug her blog.

She did, however, have a really good idea, which I will now steal from her as a form of revenge.  That idea was to post a cute photo of yourself in the same post where you are asking for ideas.  So, here goes.

Anyhow, let me know what you think I should write about next.  I’m open for suggestions, but note that if my writing is going to be used for commercial purposes (such as a book, newspaper or magazine article, or any other profit-generating application), I expect payment for the use of my writing.  Also, if you ask me to write about whimsical characters such as ponies or unicorns, double pay is expected (and appreciated).

By the way, the picture I provided was taken by the lovely Angie.  You can see this picture and more by viewing the all-new photo gallery.

So, without any new ideas pouring in, let me tell you about the crappiest thing that happened to me yesterday.

I was out running errands yesterday and had to drop a couple of friends off at a skating rink yesterday.  With the exception of the time change (I hate daylight savings time because I don’t understand it), my day was going great until some guy started giving me a hard time in the skating rink parking lot.

Here’s what happened…  I stopped the car and let my friends get out and go into the building.  Then I called Angie on on my cell phone to let her know that all the errands were done and I was coming home.  This entire sequence of events took 60 seconds tops.  The next thing I know, as I go to drive away, some idiot misses the front of my car by inches driving across the parking lot in reverse just to get a parking space right next to the entrance.  Mind you, it was a skating rink and he was going to subject himself to wheeling himself around in circles for the next couple of hours.

He then proceeds to get out of his car, point directly at me, shake his head, and start complaining about my driving habits.  At this point, I’m about ready to get out of my car and tell the guy off, and mind you, it takes quite a bit to get me pissed off, but this guy took the cake.

So this guy just kept it up for several moments, to the point where I was going to get out and let him have it.  Just as I go to open the door, his wife and three kids get out.  Since I have a heart and don’t want to get the kids involved, I casually close the door and drive off without saying a word.  Would I have liked to tell the guy off?  Of course I would!  But telling someone off can lead to an arrest if you use a swear word, which is something I don’t understand due to the laws governing freedom of speech.  There had to be an alternative.

I thought about a story another friend of mine told me that was in response to someone getting him angry.  It’s called getting revenge against someone by sabotaging their car so when they return, they are stuck there without a vehicle.  I would have sabotaged this guys car if he wasn’t traveling with small children.  However, if he was by himself, it would have been fair game and he would have had to call for a tow truck.

Here’s how to do it.  The simplest and easiest way to disable a vehicle is by deflating the tires.  You can simply let all of the air out by manually pushing the pin in the center of the valve stem, or you can pull the valve stem out and discard it.  Without a valve stem, there is absolutely no way to inflate the tire, and replacing the valve stem requires taking the tire off the rim at a car service center.  A simple, yet costly fix; also the fastest and easiest.

A more advanced approach is to disconnect the car battery wire.  The safest way to do so (provided you have access to it), is to disconnect the black wire.  Don’t mess with the red wire until you are certain that the black one is disconnected, otherwise you will likely get sparks thrown into your face.  This is an easy repair, unless you decide to cut the battery cables or remove the battery itself.  This is too is an easy, yet costly fix.

Every mechanic will tell you that unless there’s a spark, the engine won’t run.  Therefore, if you have access to the spark plug wires, you can pull them off of the engine block, or off the distributor.  This in itself will render the vehicle useless until they are replaced by a mechanic.  It is risky, however, because if the victim puts the wires back on in the wrong order, they can seriously damage their engine.

The best way to disable a vehicle is to take off the distributor cap.  This is the place where all of the spark plug wires connect.  It’s round, and usually (but not always), black in color.  Remove it and then do whatever you want with it.  If you want to disable the vehicle, take the cap with you, or smash it.  There is no way to run a vehicle without the distributor cap.

All of these things are great ways to disable a vehicle, but are ultimately done solely at your own risk.  Weigh the risks and options, and remember, you didn’t hear it from me.

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