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The World I Came Into Has Gotten Too Scary
My earliest memories are of being a small child sitting on the marble floor of our Greenwich Village apartment. There was something comforting in the coolness of that floor, in its immovability, in its seeming lack of opinion or judgment. It was a respite from the complexities of life in a large city with multiple families living in upstairs apartments under one roof. All my difficulties felt as if they could be put aside for a few moments in that little corner, next to the refrigerator. I could take comfort in the simple, repetitive task of sorting and stacking colorful blocks, ignoring the struggles in the wider world around me.…
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Now Is The Time To Let Go
Most of us live for cheap thrills. Whether it’s diving into a plate of nachos or watching an action movie with our friends, it’s easy to get sucked into the allure of fun that doesn’t really matter to our lives in the long run. But at some point, cheap thrills fade away and we need to start thinking about the bigger picture. You can’t make up for lost time or replace what is lost. Whether it be a relationship, an ambition, a skill, an opportunity or a moment in time, you’ll never get it back. The highs don’t stay high for long and the lows don’t stay low forever. The…
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Summer Nights And Electric Twilight
What makes you feel alive? What makes you feel like you’re vibrating in tune with the universe? I personally associate these sensations with warm summer nights and gorgeous electric twilight. But, why are they so important to our sense of well-being? Is it purely nostalgia, or does this phenomenon have an objective basis? Electric twilight is more intense than your average sunset. You can’t describe the sensation of twilight in terms of light. So, what is it about that time of day that makes us feel so passionate? The answer lies not with our sight but rather with our moods, in particular, how an electric twilight can pull out deep…
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From Ties That Bind To Freedom: How I Escaped The Cycle Of Codependency
For many years, I lived in a constant fear of being abandoned by the people around me, so I did everything in my power to keep them happy and close by me. That strategy worked fine until the day I found myself standing all alone without anyone else to turn to. My earliest memories are of chaos. Chaos both at home and school, one seeming not to escape the other. It’s because of this that I made sure as soon as I had the means, I would turn and run away. But, I could never get away from the broken ties of ropes left over from the circus of our…
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I’ve Lived A Life Less Ordinary
Today is the day that I’ve decided to write down all the things I’ve been holding back my entire life. Now is the time for me to finally write about black forests and wolves, the monster under my bed. This is my time, blessed, reverent, I understand. I was born intersex; for the first few years of my life, doctors weren’t sure of my birth gender. My parents decided to name me Thomas, and as I grew, I was effectively raised as a girl, which would have been my choice if I had been asked. Although I attended pre-school as a girl, my father insisted on enrolling me in grade…
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My 2022 Reunion Tour
Ah, nostalgia. It’s the unavoidable memory of something from your past that strikes you unexpectedly and makes you feel warm inside. Usually this applies to positive experiences — but sometimes it can be painful to remember old times in your past when things weren’t so great. I was thinking about my childhood the other day and all the wonderful memories I have. I was born and raised in New York City, but grew up in a small town where everyone knew each other. I remember spending lazy summers days down by the river with my friends, fishing and swimming. We would get lost in the woods, explore abandoned houses, and…
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In Another Set Of Chances I’d Take The Ones I’ve Missed
I used to write in riddles, and I used to write in rhymes; my body ached to write the words, the prose is what kept me alive. I write into the dark veil of the night, and in another set of chances, I’d take the ones I’ve missed. All the times in which I spoke into the silence, and whenever I do it seems I don’t speak, except to cry out and wait for an answer. I came into this world alone, marked in constellation, and when all else is gone, I will still be here. There’s a ceiling in the darkness, I am but a lifeless face that you’ll…
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I’m Going Through Changes
Day breaks, the lost girl inside wakes, the birds sing, the wind blows through the trees, and the angels sigh. My mornings in Vermont begin early with the rising sun, my days often occupied with my own pursuits of untamed introspection as I try to unravel the mysteries of life, followed by early nightfall to hang the stars and moon upon, and until I see another day as the sun rises, I am feathered by the moonlight. The promise of another day on the horizon guarantees that the days ahead will never change for me at all. Introspection is my muse, my preoccupation, my heartbreak. I awoke on this cold…
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There’s No Way To Bargain On A Barter
This past month, I’ve been visiting places that I likely won’t see for a while. Camera in hand, as I document and record the places I roamed for over a decade; places I might never see for quite a long time, if ever again. I believe that there is truth to the notion that one does not truly know what they have until one loses it all again. In my case, I’m giving up on a life in which I was never truly happy, to pursue my hopes and dreams in a place where nobody knows me. The worst part about leaving it all behind is letting go of the…
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A Little Ghost For The Offering
When my parents moved me to our second house, I was instantly drawn towards a hundred year old maple tree in the back yard. As the years went by, the tree became my inspiration, my childhood joy, and the one spot I would always run to whenever I needed a good cry. I would often imagine being hugged and comforted by it’s sheltering arms, an imaginary comfort throughout all the times I felt alone. On various occasions, I would talk to the tree. Trusting it with my deepest and darkest secrets, my hopes, my dreams, my fears. A trusted confidant. The ideal listener. A faithful friend that can’t run away.…
