American Writer, Photographer, and Website Designer. Former career Fire and EMS Lieutenant. She/Her/Lesbian.

I Want To Remember Every Single Thing, Just Not Who I Used To Be


December 2021


3 responses to “I Want To Remember Every Single Thing, Just Not Who I Used To Be”

  1. Never let anyone tell you that you should only be one thing: past, present or future. Your story is all of it, and they need to respect that to respect all of you.

    For those that knew you before, it may be hard to accept the current and future. It always is. They remember changing your diaper and the hopes and dreams of those around you that you veered away from because you aren’t simply a creation for others to pour their goals into.

    For people that come now, you are who you are now, and they can accept where you’re going in your life or not. Your past is something that they know nothing about until you share. The good ones accept what is to be and what was, no matter how it comes to be.

    There are those you haven’t met yet, who will eventually fall into the second category.

    It’s easier to cut the second group from your life if they don’t get it. The first group comes with so much complicated baggage that it’s close to impossible to cut them out, so instead you try to drag them into accepting your life as it works for you. I’ve learned not to drag them. Accept they are stuck – it’s easier for you mentally. They will eventually catch up or they will fall away on their own. Mostly, if they love you, they try to catch up no matter how far off the beaten path you’ve roamed. They kick, whine and scream the whole way, but they are behind you doing that, and will go to the mat against anyone who does the same thing toward you (the age old “I can give him hell, but you shut up!”) it all can hurt, but it’s also part of your story. They are a part of your story, just as you are theirs.

    Remember everything, don’t forget anything because someone else thinks you should. And never remember everything to the point you forget to live in the now to make new memories.

    And no matter what else, I hope you had an Amazing Christmas filled with laughter and joy.

    • What a thoughtfully written comment, obviously written by someone who has firsthand knowledge and understanding. There is a lot of wisdom in it, and I am grateful to you for writing it.

      • Thank you so much. It is simply something that I had to learn after decades of going through such things. But eventually, you do learn it – it’s just nice when someone else kinda lets you know that there will be a day where it will hit you clearly, and you won’t have to work so hard to try to figure out how to “fit.” You find your people, and the people from before who are screaming and kicking the loudest, are merely people who have followed you willingly down the path you are on, which is why they’re still so clearly irritating.

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