My Shit List

When I was 12 years old, I started my own shit list.  Many adults claim that someone did something to intentionally piss them off, and that the individual(s) were now in their shit list.  My parents weren’t the most popular people when I was in middle school, and they did wage a lot of complaints having to do with their perception of my wholly inadequate education being below par to my learning potential.  What they failed to realize is that in public school when you have a 40:1 student/teacher ratio, the potential for individualized instruction is quite limited.  My parents always used to say things like, “well if Tom’s teacher, so-and-so won’t give our child individualized attention, they’ll get on my shit list.”

When I was a kid, I recorded everything in notebooks.  Everything!  I still do, so in a sense I suppose some things never change.  So when my parents kept talking about their shit list, I decided I should have my very own list because it’s the adult thing to do.

The #1 advantage to having a physical shit list as opposed to having a theoretical one is that when someone asks, “Why don’t you like this person?”, you can reply with specific facts and reasons why they shouldn’t be liked because they made it difficult to be liked.

So I started a notebook with the words SHIT LIST written in big bold letters with a marker on the cover.  The notebook filled up rather quickly with names of people who seriously pissed me off.  Beside the names was a column for very specific information which included the date and approximate time with a brief narrative explaining what they did that caused me to get pissed off.

A handful of individuals earned multiple entries into the notebook.  Those individuals included, but weren’t limited to, the class bully, a few of my teachers, but most of all, the school principal (who is such an asshole, I still can’t stand the man).  I kept the notebook for a couple of years in a locked cabinet, up until I graduated high school.  Sadly, I have no idea what happened to it, or where it went, because the last time I saw it was over 10 years ago.  It would have made for a very entertaining shit list database.  Perhaps it’s just as well that it went missing, because I no longer have to return to my shitty high school days.


  • Michaela Jayne

    Haha! That is pretty fantastic. I had such issues with adults doing all this ‘theoretical’ crap that only they know the rules to and only they have it kept in their memory (how unreliable!)-so what I would do was I would literally write out
    ‘contracts’ and ‘proposals’ for all deals and negotiations so that It was solid and all parties would have to sign and date the papers and everyone would get a copy so there was no adults relying on their brains. . . because 5 year old me HATED getting screwed over on a deal just because there was so ‘proof’ of the original arrangement.

    I always thought that adults had good ideas; but that they seldom followed through with things and often mucked their good ideas up. . . .’deals or trades’ being one of them lol.

    • Thomas

      I was a very misunderstood child, believe me. I just wish I still had this, and that in the decades since I wrote the list that I still had it. It’s sad that the internet was not around back then; if it was, I’d likely have posted the “shit list” a long time ago.

  • Tracey

    This post gave me a good chuckle because it reminded me of myself. I can’t really remember the reason for starting it, but my best friend and I had a shit list as well, and it stated everyone from the kids who picked on us to the entirety of any hockey team that beat my boyfriend’s hockey team. I don’t know what happened to my list either, but it would have been funny to compare!

    • Thomas

      Hey Tracey! There are many unusual facets of my childhood that I will be revealing and writing about in due time.

      By the way, I have been doing my best to keep up with your writing blog. I read it quite often, but sadly don’t have much time to comment. When I comment on something, I want it to sound sincere as well as intelligent. I have some thoughts, ideas, and general feedback that would be better shared on your blog.

      I will post a comment in a couple of days. I promise. 🙂

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