Life Is Full Of Questions And It’s Tearing Me Apart

I woke up early from a restful nights sleep on this ordinary Tuesday morning. I couldn’t stop thinking about my childhood, and how I always dreamed that one day I would run away. But instead, I stayed, and I suffered through a series of traumatic experiences, when I probably would have been better off leaving and never coming back. Life is full of questions and it’s tearing me apart, as I spend the majority of my time methodically questioning everything I’ve ever done in my life, as the minutes slowly turn into hours. I simply can’t let go of the past, even decades later I’m haunted by the thoughts and memories which always seem to commandeer my mind.

Drew Gerald once said, “you only struggle because you’re ready to grow but aren’t willing to let go.”

Growing up was easy, predictable, and inevitable. Letting go seems to be the hardest part.

I often wonder if some day I will let go, but I know that right now, I’m not ready. I thought about publishing the truth which I held on to for so long, but what would I get? Would I get revenge or would the memories, then made permanent and immortalized cause me more trauma? I grieve in my condition, for I cannot find a way to forgive.

A new year has finally begun; it seems as if December is the time we talk about the past year, while January seems to be the time when one embarks on a new journey as if this time around we will finally achieve our New year’s resolutions. While in recent years I settled for cliche resolutions, this year was different. Instead of resolving to lose weight, make more money, or any other seemingly useless resolutions, I decided that I should pursue happiness by putting myself first more often instead of devoting my life to the needs of others while at the same time, forgoing my own. In a sense, I simply care too much and dive too deep.

Now that I have decided to limit myself of this unhealthy habit of devoting my emotional wellbeing to that of others, without consideration nor expectation of reciprocity, it feels almost as if I’ve somehow lost a part of myself, and if it is indeed so, I’ll just keep the rest of me.

The header video was created using Canva.

Generation Gap | When Is It Time To Let Go | A Typical Friday’s Child | The Fear I Cannot Hide


  • Wilson Jake

    Having decided to pursue happiness by putting yourself first more often instead of devoting your life to the needs of others is the first step to success. I will like you to also know that what you cant give yourself, no one will ever give you. Lovely piece Thomas

  • joynb

    Personally, there is nothing wrong in having a life that’s full of questions. The moment we stop asking even the most mundane of things is the moment that we no longer have a care in this world. It is okay to be sad, discouraged, frustrated, and anxious from time to time. It is, after all, what makes us humans.

  • miakayuuki2012

    Life will always have a lot of questions. Most do not have answers some do. To me though what matters is asking the right questions, Ones that will hopefully lead for something better. As they say asking questions lead to learning.

  • Janine Bocateja

    I lost my Mom at a very young age ( 6 years old ) and now that I am 27 years old. A lot of questions come up to me and it’s always making me sad. There’s a lot of what if and why not. I just need more motivation from people.

  • Glad

    So true, life is full of questions. We ask sometimes why things happen or why they don’t happen. At times we just have to settle with what life dishing out, but in all we have to aim for inner peace and joy.

  • sebasgomes

    It is sad to remember the past, when it has been through traumas that mark it forever, but the present is what matters, if you do not change who you are today, and concentrate on the present, you will never change the past.

  • David Tjoe

    For me personally, most questions never seem to find the answer. And I have also never tried to find these answers from others, because in the end “Faith” and “Believe”, that is always the reason for their answers.

  • jolly555

    I hate traumatic experiences because though time keep ticking away but we can’t tend to move past it. We think about it and keep being traumatized, letting go isn’t easy at all.

  • iamdahmmy

    Life is indeed full of questions and mysteries we can’t understand,answer and unravel.we will just keep gasping in the darkness of our ignorance. For me, I resolved that I will make myself happy this year and care less about those that don’t think much of me..nice write up tom

  • Oyeyipo Oladele

    Every good and new year has virtually good plans in them. The life itself is a question which is mystery and no one can give a satisfactory answer to.

  • Prince

    Atimes you careless about what others thing about you, you know yourself better so dont let it pull you down. Also if you face any trauma, make sure you treat it and seek professional help

  • Victor

    The hardest part is in the letting go. Just like a lot of things, would you agree? Life grows out of your comfort zone! So just imagine it as you’re stepping out of the comfort of a life you once knew and knowing that you’re going through something difficult and GETTING THROUGH it will a big accomplishment in itself. It’s painful til it isn’t. Tread on bud!

  • Clint Dale

    Perhaps we struggle because we’re still learning how to become the next version of ourselves? At least that’s a sign that we aren’t sticking to our comfort zones, because growth never happens there. Life will continuously be full of questions, and I guess we find solace in every question we find an answer to along the way.

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