Diary

Of Lovers Lost

I often find myself reluctant to take irreversible actions, apprehensive about leaving your side without beholding your captivating visage. I unknowingly still possessed an old photograph of us together when we were 16. The sight of your eyes brings me immense sorrow, as they serve as a reminder of the path I neglected to follow and the journey I failed to embark upon.

Nevertheless, deep within my thoughts, I envision a moment and place where fate guided us along a different trajectory. In this alternate existence, our love story unfolded effortlessly, unimpeded by obstacles or barriers. Maybe it was only within a dream or a distant past life that we experienced pure, unburdened bliss, far removed from the burdens of our present circumstances.

As I reflect on the decisions I’ve made and their outcomes, I can’t help but speculate about the life I might have led if I had accompanied my enigmatic angel along the unpredictable and perilous path we once envisioned. We could have lived a life that now lingers only in the shadows of our recollections—a life that never materialized but will eternally occupy a haunting space in our hearts.

When the anguish and misfortune of our present reality eventually fade, leaving behind the remnants of what might have been, we are confronted with the realization that our choices define our existence. Every decision we make carries consequences—some we may rue, while others we will treasure. In the end, we must come to terms with the path we’ve selected and find solace in the understanding that we can still effect change with the time that remains.

April 17, 2023

11 Comments

  • Stuart Danker

    Thanks for sharing your experience. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, and I appreciate you being open about your struggles. It’s important to take care of ourselves and prioritise our mental health, especially during challenging times. Though you probably already know that. So I thought I’d stop by and tell you that someone hears you from all across the world!

    • Thomas Slatin

      I just want to take a moment to truly thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences through my blog. It’s like a breath of fresh air to come across someone who can so eloquently express themselves while also making others feel heard and understood. I’ve been going through quite a rough patch. I find myself in a situation where I have no friends or family to lean on, and it can be absolutely heartbreaking at times.

      I can’t help but reflect on the beautiful whirlwind of emotions that enveloped me when I entered my very first lesbian relationship at the tender age of 16. I remember feeling a mix of trepidation, excitement, and a sense of wonder, as if I was finally unravelling the mysteries of love, in all its splendid colors.

      At the time, I was still struggling to grasp my own identity, and my blossoming relationship with my girlfriend, “A”, gave me a newfound sense of self-assurance. It felt like the universe had finally granted me the permission to love freely and without judgment. The innocence and purity of our love were amplified by the fact that we were both navigating this uncharted territory for the first time.

      The beauty of our connection lied not only in the electrifying sparks that flew between us but also in the quiet, tender moments we shared. I still remember the long conversations we had, discussing our hopes, dreams, and fears, and how it brought us closer together. It was as if our hearts were slowly intertwining, like the roots of two trees standing side by side.

      Of course, being in a lesbian relationship at such a young age, during the 1990’s was not without its challenges. We faced judgment and whispers from peers and family members alike, making it feel like our love was somehow wrong or unnatural.

      Ultimately, my first lesbian relationship taught me invaluable lessons about love, self-discovery, and acceptance. It was a testament to the power of love to transcend societal norms and expectations. And while A and I eventually went our separate ways, I will forever be grateful for the time we spent together and the growth it brought to both of our lives.

      In the end, love is love, and it comes in many shapes, sizes, and colors. No matter who you are or who you love, I hope you find the courage to embrace the beauty of your own unique rainbow.

      Thank you again for your comment, Stuart! ❤️️‍

      • Stuart Danker

        It’s so refreshing to read someone’s thoughts that are so honest and heartfelt. I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through a rough patch and feeling alone. I can imagine that it must be really tough, but I hope that writing your comment and expressing your feelings has helped you in some way.

        Your story was also really beautiful. It’s amazing how love can make us feel so alive and free. Love is love indeed, no matter what shape or form it takes. We should all have the courage to embrace our own unique rainbow, as you said, so thanks for continuing the conversation in such an awesome way!

        • Thomas Slatin

          Love comes in all shapes and forms, and it’s something to be cherished and celebrated. In my case, my wife and I have always had lesbian relationships. I thought that my first girlfriend was, “the one”, and a series of relationships taught me that my wife, Amelia is indeed, “the one”. Your call for us all to embrace our unique rainbow is truly inspiring, and I couldn’t agree more. ❤️️‍

      • andnowwhatcaroline

        Love has such power that a relationship that was brief and so long ago, has power over us for the rest of our lives. Wow!

        Also, never underestimate the power that a brief but meaningful interaction can have on another. Kindness matters.

        • Thomas Slatin

          I completely agree with you. Love truly has an indescribable power that can last a lifetime. It’s incredible how a brief relationship can impact us in such a profound way. Sometimes, it’s the memories that we hold onto that shape our lives and our relationships moving forward.

          And I couldn’t agree more about the importance of kindness. It may seem like a small gesture, but a simple act of kindness can make all the difference in someone’s life. You never know how your actions or words might impact another person, so it’s essential to always choose kindness and compassion.

          Thank you for your lovely comment, Caroline! 🙂

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