Writing

You Expect An Easy Answer

  • November 20, 2016

you-expect-an-easy-answer

It has truly been so long since I had seen something truly amazing. This morning I saw something incredible. I witnessed the annual migration of hundreds of birds, all flying low in a v-shape patterns. So many that the sky was filled with birds flying overhead, a duration which lasted in excess of five minutes. The most mesmerizing and beautiful things in life are always free and come from mother nature, yet we often covet that which is materialistic, mass-produced and unnecessarily costly. In modern society we are conditioned towards capitalist ideals, forever ignoring the simple and most beautiful things in life as insignificant and inconsequential.

I was at the store yesterday afternoon when an employee approached me under the guise of being friendly and asked me how I was doing. As anyone who begrudgingly worked in the retail industry for even a very short period of time will tell you, store employees make casual and often empty conversation with customers for no other reason than to let them know they are being observed. The store employee might have falsely assumed that I was trying to shoplift as they stood quietly, observing my every move for a short, yet quite uncomfortable duration of time.

In popular parlance and often with two strangers who casually pass on the street, it is customary to ask a stranger how they’re doing. No matter what the situation, or the intent, anytime a stranger casually asks me how I’m doing, I often interpretate it as being insincere as if, you ask me how I’m doing and you expect an easy answer. A brief explanation of what is on my mind at that very moment, or exactly how I’m feeling is often the answer that then remains trapped inside my head until the next moment of human interaction occurs. I’d be more than willing to explain my feelings, thoughts, and ideas with a trusted friend or loved one, but it seems that with two strangers passing in public, it is best to pass the interaction off with a simple nod like two ships passing in the night.

Lately I have felt at odds with the world. It seems all around me that those who are uneducated, uninformed, and ignorant have started to take over the world; I want to feel safe to stand up and disagree with what I refer to as the steady downward spiral of society. I want to live without fear of documenting my opinions, my firm beliefs in regards to equality of all people, and hope that those fears of my own personal safety, which others claim to be totally irrational, won’t ever come to fruition.

Why do I feel so alone, surrounded by strangers I thought were my friends, senselessly pushing me farther and farther from my homeland. When will it finally become time to cut the cord of home, and to move away to someplace new where nobody knows me? When will I find a place I feel comfortable calling home, instead of constantly moving from place to place, living out of bags and boxes, with no sense or plan of ever settling down for good?

There is so much more to life than sitting back letting life pass me by. So many things I’ve left unsaid, things I’ve wanted to say or publish always seem to accumulate like letters that I will might never have the opportunity to send. Even when we die, we still have so many unanswered questions, dreams that never came true, and a life lost in ones wake. Perhaps it was the sudden passing of my father, who was waiting for the right time to talk to me about what he had on his mind for years that he wanted to tell me, but never had the chance, or perhaps it’s just my perception of the world gone askew once again.

Please don’t ask me how I’m doing if you expect an easy answer.

Colophon
This post was inspired by the post Ask Me, How I’ve Been. If you haven’t read it yet, go read it right now; it’s brilliant!
The header image was created using Canva, and uses the fonts Playlist Script and Gidole.

Asides
Ask Me, How I’ve Been | The Silence of Saturday Night – Jasper Kerkau | Dear Trump Supporters | Beautiful life | All Things All At Once | Star Gazing | Maybe

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