The Way Things Used To Be

It was all just a dream.

It all started with a recurring dream that I had again. A nightmare of sorts, in which I was forced to return to boarding school, though this time I was old enough to leave. I kept repeating the same phrase over and over again.

“I’m an adult now, what am I going to do? Whatever the fuck I want.”

Why did I stay? What was it that prevented me from simply walking away, given the reality that I had every right to do so?

The way things used to be were, by comparison, grim compared to the way they are now. At least as far as my own life is concerned.

Every now and again, whenever I come to a pivotal turning point in my life, I often take a compendious look into my past, my mind seemingly perpetually commandeered with snapshots and still frames.

Flashbacks and memories of earlier times when I felt as if I had somehow lost control of my own decisions, my path in life gone astray, though the fault clearly was never my own.

Things are better now, things are peaceful, now decades later, yet I feel my mind weakened by the years, as people continue to succumb to superficiality as a means of dealing with their own insecurities. Sometimes even my friends, most of whom I’ve known since childhood read some published accounts of my childhood experiences, only to turn a blind eye filled with disbelief, questing the glory and validity of my story.

My father used to tell me that my high school and college years would be the best years of my life, though looking back, these were by far the very worst years of my life.

His insight left me paralyzed and anything but optimistic about the future.  Sadly, my father passed away an old, impatient old man who never was able to see his only child grow up to be happy and extremely successful.

It seems that the hopes and dreams of our parents aren’t necessarily congruent with those of their children.  My fathers dream was for me to become independently wealthy, and often criticized me for not enrolling solely in business classes during my college years.  Instead I followed my own dreams and aspirations, regardless of how many times I changed my mind.  In the end, not knowing what I wanted to do with my life from a very early age lead me to live a very interesting life, though kn many respects, it forced me to grow up way too fast.

The header image was a photograph taken of me by my father.

Schism | When I Was 16; A Retrospect. | Sometimes, I Don’t Know | Generation Gap | Maybe | Weird Things From My Childhood That Made Me the Weirdo I Am


  • Maury Cheskes

    I’m glad you’re on the right path now and I agree that the way our parents envision our lives isn’t necessarily set in stone. I think as long as we keep a part of ourselves from every stage in life we will reach all our goals and aspirations and find meaning through every milestone. I’m sure you’re dad would be proud of your accomplishments and that you will continue to set the bar high through all of life’s journey.

  • Adesoji OGUNBADE

    Yea Tom, my father used to tell me that my high school and college years would be the best years of my life. He will say enjoy your college cause it only come ones. Memories Tom

  • Danielle M

    I didnt enjoy schooll either . I’m glad that at the end you pursuited your own dream instead of following the expectations of your father.

  • Kurt

    The layout change is very good. For me though the best days in our lives can come from any point. Most people would say college perhaps but here is the thing. I love it when moments come after because I can fully grasp what they mean now that I am older. As suppose to if it came in my past young self.

  • Oyeyipo Oladele

    Tom, it is true that it seems that the hopes and dreams of our parents aren’t necessarily congruent with those of their children. I love the write up in this post, you do this one in a while Tom. Why is this so Tom?.

  • michaelower

    I guess we never know what the future holds..as a kid,I had big dreams..high expectations.. As an adult, I fail to achieve those dreams..I regret taking certain decisions.. that’s life

  • jolly555

    I always parents could sometimes let us tow our own path and stop forcing anything down our throats. Let us become what we really want and not what they want.

  • brainedet

    Adulthood has always look scam to me. All the things I was told I will enjoy when I come of age seems a big illusion. Childhood was better for me.

  • esgyll

    There will always be the feeling of being torn between change and just staying where you are expected to be. I am very happy to hear/read here that you chose to follow your heart and things turned out pretty well for you. Your father will be very proud.

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