• Diary,  Writing

    I’ve Lived My Life As A Prelude To A Mystery

    I’ve lived my life as a prelude to a mystery, and the only clues I have are the feelings that are evoked in my heart by what I know about it so far. I’ve wondered whether or not things in my life were ever what they appeared to be, and even today, I still have my own doubts. Maybe it was never supposed to happen, but it’s here now, and here I will stand, forevermore because of what I’ve created out of sheer will, determination, and love. I woke like a creature of the waiting sun; another sleepless night. I climbed out of bed and stumbled into the living room,…

  • Diary

    Meeting Mitch In New York City

    March 16, 2022 Today I took a trip to New York City to show Apartment 2 of my childhood home to a new tenant, [name withheld]. She is a wonderful woman, an actress from Holland, who is a friend to [name withheld] who have rented an upstairs apartment from me for many years. She immediately fell in love with the apartment and was more than happy to give me the asking price, and to my amazement, she signed the lease agreement on the spot! Later in the afternoon, I decided to meet up with my friend Mitch in Brooklyn. Mitch had some time to spare that afternoon, and the plan…

  • Diary,  Writing

    Only The Moon Understands The Beauty Of Love

    The last remaining hours of the year slowly ticked by as I watched the New Years Eve special on television, live from my home town of New York City. It seems that the winter, cold and bitter, and drearily silent, gives reason for one to think about the year, as once again one starts to draw picture-perfect maps of how their life and love will be for the year to come. I held Amelia through the night in such a way where only the moon understands the beauty of love. We gazed into each other’s eyes in the realization that I can still be who I need to be, the…

  • Diary,  Writing

    There Is A Ceiling In The Darkness

    Last night I was plagued by nightmares in my sleep; recurring dreams in which I was dying through a series of tragic events. I spent the duration of yesterday thinking about my 22 year fire department career. Last night I as I lay awake, I realized that there is a ceiling in the darkness, and now is the time that I need to finally tell my story. These are the critical incidents I now think about, sometimes up to 10 minutes out of every day. The memories are always with me; they never go away, and time does not heal the wounds. Incident #1:When I was a new medic, I…

  • Diary

    Summoned To The Far Reaches Of My Mind

    Today I was summoned to the far reaches of my mind as I pondered all morning about what I was going to write, as the snow fell gently only to be carried away by a mocking easterly wind. I spent the last few days going through my old notebooks, in a futile attempt to gain solace in a book written pages, filled only with passages of days long ago, snapshots and memories much like a smoldering smoke of a fire that was left to coals. I have lived a life less ordinary, my experiences unique in fact, and yet, perhaps somewhere along the way, I neglected to document many of…

  • Diary

    Second-Guessing

    February 4, 2009 Today I’m second-guessing the plans I made in regards to my book. I’m still going to write it, of course even if my approach leads me in a different direction. To write a book one has to open up their heart and soul if they want to make it worth reading. Writing a list-based book of how-to’s has the potential to become a fascinating read, but as “A” told me today, I should try harder simply because I have a lot more potential that should never go to waste. It is better to write a book about a topic that you’re passionate about than to write a…

  • Diary

    My Moleskine Notebook

    November 3, 2008 My dear friend of 10+ years talked to me on my Skype for an hour and 45 minutes. “G” is an openly gay and borderline effeminate college best friend of mine who despite his busy schedule, always finds time to keep in touch. Not only has he enjoyed huge success in recent years, but he finally met the man of his dreams (“I”) whom he lives with in Ohio. During the course of our conversation, “G” brought back memories and remembrances of the good old days back when we were students at Marshall University. It’s sad to think of how I let the good times pass me…

  • Star In My Notebook
    Diary

    I Am A Writer!

    February 2, 2009 I consider myself a writer because I love to create written documentation of any kind. The best decision I ever made to further my career in writing was to start a blog.  Blogs are perfect for creating, sharing, and archiving documentation of all kinds.  A problem I faced recently was a crashed database that took with it a small handful of works in which my only copy was stored within the database itself. Thankfully, all but 4 or 5 pieces were lost, but I’m almost positive I have a backup copy laying around somewhere.  Technology is great but it also a medium that, like everything else in…

  • Star In My Notebook
    Diary

    Wasted Life

    January 29, 2009 So far I can honestly say that I’ve led a very successful and productive life.  And yet despite all that I have done and all that I’ve accomplished, I still feel as if I’ve wasted my life.  Everyone tells me that today is the first day of the rest of your life but what they fail to realize is that no matter what or how much I accomplish I still feel as if I’m not doing enough and having too much free time is an indication of a life being wasted away. I made the decision to be self-employed some time ago, not because I don’t want…