• Diary

    An Old Friend’s Question: Would I Ever Return To Firefighting?

    An old friend called me and asked, “would you ever return to firefighting?” To which I replied, “that all depends on what you have in mind”. He clarified that he wanted me to come back and fight fires with him again. He was referring to the way things used to be, and how we had a lot of fun together. I told him, “the way things used to be weren’t the way things are now, and perhaps they never will be.” “I just wanted to know”, he said, asking me again, “would you ever consider coming back to fighting fires?” I thought about it for a moment, and then I…

  • Fire Department,  Writing

    The Art Of Saying Goodbye

    It’s an awkward feeling – the one you get when you have to say goodbye to someone you don’t want to let go of, be it a friend, colleague, or loved one. If you do not understand the art of saying goodbye, your relationships are bound to suffer. There’s nothing more important than solid relationships in this world if you want to succeed in life. I defied my parents’ wishes and dropped out of college. I was extremely intelligent, but struggled within the modern educational system. Regardless, my parents expected me to pursue an academic degree. I was adamant about not going back. I knew that there was more for…

  • Fire Department,  Photography

    The Early Morning Came Up Lavender

    The early morning came up lavender, putting the stars to bed and filling the sky with gently glowing light. I thought about the weekend I spent visiting my mom, catching up with one of my closest friends, and visiting the places I used to know so well. I met up with my friend Andrew at the local diner in Middleburgh, New York. Andrew and I have known each other since he was 18. We met when we were both active in the fire department, and over the years we became close friends. For whatever reason, common trauma brings people together; Andrew and I were a team, and through our shared…

  • Cornerstone Content,  Writing

    I’ve Lived A Life Less Ordinary

    Today is the day that I’ve decided to write down all the things I’ve been holding back my entire life. Now is the time for me to finally write about black forests and wolves, the monster under my bed. This is my time, blessed, reverent, I understand. I was born hermaphrodite; for the first few years of my life, doctors weren’t sure of my birth gender. My parents decided to name me Thomas, and as I grew, I was effectively raised as a girl, which would have been my choice if I had been asked. Although I attended pre-school as a girl, my father insisted on enrolling me in grade…

  • Diary

    There Is A Ceiling In The Darkness

    December 2, 2021 Last night I was plagued by nightmares in my sleep; recurring dreams in which I was dying through a series of tragic events. I spent the duration of yesterday thinking about my 22 year fire department career. Last night I as I lay awake, I realized that there is a ceiling in the darkness, and now is the time that I need to finally tell my story. These are the critical incidents I now think about, sometimes up to 10 minutes out of every day. The memories are always with me; they never go away, and time does not heal the wounds. Incident #1:When I was a…