The following is an excerpt from my writing notebook, dated April 3, 2017.

Sometimes I wish that I were an open book so that if by some chance, I might be understood, cherished, or admired, though thankfully in reality I’m not an open book.  There’s something beautiful about being mysterious.  I tend to keep my thoughts and feelings bottled up inside, posting some of my better thoughts and ideas on my blog, perhaps as evidence of sorts to support my claims of high intelligence.  My anxiety and depression comes when too many people read it, or when I don’t get the reaction I was seeking.  I regret sharing some things, though trivial and unimportant for fear of being judged.

I have an exceptionally well-documented high IQ, which is both a blessing and a curse.

I am unique though more than anything, misunderstood.  Everyone is different in some way, I am different in every way.

I never stick to the plans I make and often lose sight of hopes and dreams.  Dreams come to fruition slowly and are often not as glamorous once I achieve them.

I am often bored, and insatiably unsatisfied by the way things are, frustrated by the things in my life that I cannot change.

I want to be known and recognized for the things I have created, achieved, or accomplished, though I’d prefer to hide from the spotlight most of the time.

I long to be in the company of successful and influential people, though every time those moments occur I’m often disappointed when I realize that these people really aren’t whom they one made me believe they were.

I am hypersensitive and am insecure over the tiny details of my existence as well as my shortcomings.  When one subconsciously internalizes this type of pain, one then subconsciously obsesses over the flaws and shortcomings of those around them.

Colophon
The header image was created using Canva, and the font used is Alfa Slab One.

Asides
Writing under 25 words | What It Actually Means To Be An Introvert, Because It’s So Much More Than Being Shy | “I” is for “Imposter Syndrome” – An A-to-Z Blogging Challenge Post | I just found my 16-year-old diary on the internet and it’s horrifying | 130 Journal Writing Prompts | The Story Of My Life, And Other Ramblings

13 thoughts on “Time To Disappear, Again

  1. It is truly a blessing and a curse. When at times you feel lonely even if you’re with everybody. At times when you’d like to socialize yet hate crowded places Each and everyone is unique in every other way.

  2. Everyone is unique and different in their own way. It’s what makes us so special as individuals.

  3. People who like to keep to themselves usually have a higher IQ than the average person. You are very lucky.

  4. Do not be sad for the things you can’t change, learn to adapt to your nature, it will give you happiness

  5. Really deep, Tom. It’s a blessing to be different. I really admire your courageousness and versatility with your unique thoughts and photos. I hope you know though that you are not alone and that everyone can get down on their limitations once and awhile.

  6. I do feel your sentiments. I had these thoughts when I was younger too. I also wrote them down since I can’t voice them out.

  7. A free verse poem huh?I rarely see those nowadays. I use to write one myself not as good as this though. Well done.

  8. As humans we all fear to be judged and the funny thing is that it isn’t animals that judged us we judged ourselves,we judge one another. And I find it funny that imperfect people judge others. The best bet is to do you and keep moving.

  9. I’m unique too and very different from other people and as such I try to be on my Lane and get the best out of my personal life.

  10. Their is something about shrouding ones’s life in secrecy… Being mysterious attracts respect…being an open book makes you lose respect…I love your write up..its soooo deep…

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